I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Randomize
