I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
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