So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
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