also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
I am spending my child support on dildos
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
Let's get the cat blown out
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
