i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Randomize
