Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Randomize
