This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
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