this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Randomize
