Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Randomize
