as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
