Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
