I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Randomize
