You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
