Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
Randomize
