Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
FUCK WHALES
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
