Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Randomize
