Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
