hell yes lets make some ravioli
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Randomize
