xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
True college students do jello shots in the library
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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