I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
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At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
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Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
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