And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
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