Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
