This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
