420 ftw
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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