I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
