That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
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