You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
Welp...herpes.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
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