Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
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