At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
He has the fingertips of a God
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