I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
