it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
God, you're like boner-b-gone
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
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