My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
Still dying that you shit outside
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
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