uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
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