hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
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