Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
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