I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Randomize
