well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
