Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
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The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
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