I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
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