I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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