her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
