Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
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