woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
Just invented taco cereal.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
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