My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
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