your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
