Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Randomize
