I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
You left your underwear on the fireplace
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
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