My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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