I murdered the dance floor call the cops
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
