Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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