We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
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