Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
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