I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Randomize
