This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
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