At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
