You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Found the puke drawer
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
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