I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
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