I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
I just gift wrapped bread.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
