Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
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