i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Randomize
