Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
I just made out with a guy for $7.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Randomize
