I wanna bring you to show and tell
found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Randomize
