just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
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